Indian patriarchal society… final preparations

With India just a hair’s breadth away, preparations are coming along nicely.

As the deadline approaches it’s important to keep your eyes on the prize and not lose focus.

The idea of filming a trip is definitely alien; The idea of planning is even more bizarre,  but plan we must if this trip is to be as spectacular as can be… drinking from the Ganges, praying with Elephants, sampling any and all weird foodstuff available.

‘Excited’ would be an understatement!

But how to prepare? How to make sure that we’re fully prepared for whatever challenges come our way?

  • To learn the ways of Bhangra dancing is important. Who knows when we’ll be called upon to dance our way out of trouble.
  • To learn the ways of the language is fairly important too… but with 22 constitutionally recognised languages (and anywhere up to 1699 others), it’s proving a daunting task indeed.
  • To master the art of mechanics would surely be a skill worth investing time and effort in, as who knows what we’ll do should we crash out in deepest darkest India.

These are all solid ways to spend our last few days… honing our skills and perfecting our craft…

Am I doing them?

No, no, no!

I’m currently focusing on something far more demanding and worthy of occupying most of my waking hours.

I am of course talking about growing a kick-ass beard!”

allaboardthefraytrain kick-ass beard

Some may consider this to be procrastination, and to those people I say… I’ll deal with you later.

We’ll be stepping into an India patriarchal society, where centuries of quality beard growth have dominated the landscape (AWESOME mental image!)

A quick Google search of “Indian beard” reveals over 11 millions hairy hits (If you’re after inspiration, check out this top 13 list)

Who knows what situations will arise that will require quick thinking, a smooth tongue and a majestic beard. Come to think of it… is there any situation that can’t be solved with that combination? If there is, I don’t want to know about it!

Allaboardthefraytrain Dom
Although Dom has yet to master the pose, it’s still a majestic beard

Aside from added gravitas, a healthy chin-strap will also provide comfort and support during the long cold nights, something to stroke during times of reflection, and a handy food storage facility.

It has been brought to my attention that should I ever wish to regain my boyish looks and shave it off, after being savaged by the Indian heat my chin will have a sickly white pallor compared to my mahogany face… but that will then only accentuate the fine moustache I shall be crafting for Movember… win win situation!

With no travel insurance, no return flight, and most recently the deletion of 5 years worth of award nominated writing, it would be easy to be disheartened… but it’s hard to feel down when you’ve got a beard like Socrates.

So with 22 days before I set off for Germany to meet up with my partner in crime, Dom, I’m off to lather myself up in Shea butter, practice my Indian swag, and perform cafuné until my eyes roll back in my head.


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